standard work bullshit going on. being told how to do my job by people who not only don't know how to do mine but frequently prove they don't know how to do theirs either. years in the business and they still don't know when they're being manipulated by people.
and in spite of all that we still end up with this:
the customer's are still driving me nuts, but that's nothing new. asking me to play something faster and then asking for a tune that's 30 beats a min slower? yeah. and even worse is the resurgence of that idiocy known as line dancing. the bad old days of Club Dance on TNN are returning.
therapy. an ongoing process of trying to find what I can do to survive and "heal". i know she means well but sometimes i want to shove her positive-ness in her face with a hefty dose of reality. hard to place that much faith in its effectiveness when i'm this cynical but i have to give it a chance. the alternative is not exactly something i should dwell on.
and then there's that woman i still love. yes, in spite of everything that has happened i DO still love her. i don't understand her, i am hurt, confused, feel betrayed, and want to scream and rage at her... and still feel the same way about her. sound like an obsessed stalker? maybe. not really caring. every minute near her and knowing i can't have her is agony, being away from her is worse.
my son's are somehow dealing with this better than i am and i loathe that she has shown them that this whole thing is okay somehow. this is not how it's supposed to be. i fear that later in life they will repeat this.
and yet another ass kicker: double hernia repair at the end of the month. yeah, its gonna suck. V.A. doesn't do laproscopic surgery for them and surgeon doesn't do mesh repair unless its last resort. so better repair but longer heal time.
vunderbar.
No comments:
Post a Comment