why yes i did beat my head against the wall repeatedly.

yes indeed kids, this is something I deal with regularly.  and by regularly I mean pretty much all the damn time.
people asking for the same songs, who complain that I play the same songs, who then ask for



wait for it...



the SAME SONGS.


I couldn't even talk to the customer after that.

customers complain to management that I play the same songs and don't play enough new music.  so I play new music and the floor stays nice and empty.  they complain I don't play enough "Texas County" so I play more and the floor stays nice and empty.  they sit on their butts and complain about how the music is too fast, too slow, too boring, not country enough, too country, not texas country, too Nashville, too techno, too black, too white, not fun.

until I start playing what's older  and popular and they all get up and start dancing - to the same old songs that they complain about hearing.

and they wonder why dj's burn out.

A Picture is worth a thousand words?

things have been slow.

but we still do our thing.

 

 

 

 

 

holidays.

I hate holidays.

 

the end.

"down" time

there is a time of night that I really hate.  its the hours spent alone with only my inner thoughts and believe me when I say that right now they are NOT good.  

I so don't need to be alone right now but I have no choice.  I have no one to talk to.  no one at all.  I want to cry and scream and rage at the night I want to be held and told that I will not lose the greatest part of me.  the phrase better half is so apt that I fear I will be broken and incomplete at a time in my life that I will never recover from.  my heart cant take this kind of damage. 

i'm supposed to "keep it together"  to put on my game face at work and pretend nothing matters except making them happy.

a thunderous WHY?! rings through my head constantly along with the cacophony of self recriminations, accusations, doubts, and thoughts too horrific to share.

I hate this time of night.
I hate myself.
I hate what this feels like.
I don't hate her.  even after all of this.  I still love her.  oh my god how I love her.  will she ever understand this?

and now for your consideration...

Thanks Bill.

To be, or not to be, that is the question:
Whether 'tis Nobler in the mind to suffer
The Slings and Arrows of outrageous Fortune,
Or to take Arms against a Sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them: to die, to sleep
No more; and by a sleep, to say we end
The Heart-ache, and the thousand Natural shocks
That Flesh is heir to? 'Tis a consummation
Devoutly to be wished. To die to sleep,
To sleep, perchance to Dream; Aye, there's the rub,
For in that sleep of death, what dreams may come,
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause. There's the respect
That makes Calamity of so long life:
For who would bear the Whips and Scorns of time,
The Oppressor's wrong, the proud man's Contumely,
The pangs of despised Love, the Law’s delay,
The insolence of Office, and the Spurns
That patient merit of the unworthy takes,
When he himself might his Quietus make
With a bare Bodkin? Who would Fardels bear,
To grunt and sweat under a weary life,
But that the dread of something after death,
The undiscovered Country, from whose bourn
No Traveller returns, Puzzles the will,
And makes us rather bear those ills we have,
Than fly to others that we know not of.
Thus Conscience does make Cowards of us all,
And thus the Native hue of Resolution
Is sicklied o'er, with the pale cast of Thought,
And enterprises of great pitch and moment,
With this regard their Currents turn awry,
And lose the name of Action. Soft you now,
The fair Ophelia? Nymph, in thy Orisons
Be all my sins remembered

BRRRRR!!!!

IT'S FREAKIN' COLD! 

ready for this?

62 FREAKIN' DEGREES

 

that was the temp in the dj booth.  and the club is kinda cool to the point that customers are wearing long sleeves and going out to their vehicles to get sweaters and hoodies. I have sent every customer that has complained about it to management and they have told me before even going that they already know they're not going to be listened to.  that there is a bad sign.   it has gotten so bad the A.C. line froze and melted and froze and melted and there was water inside a light fixture that got so bad it shorted and they had to call for a repairman to come fix things.  more $$$ gone because of their own stupidity and they complain about money being short?  can't be too short if you can buy a NEW BMW 7 series.

meanwhile i'm getting sick in the booth, my sinuses are going beserk and the post-nasal drip is making me cough and the cold is making my muscles tense up and get sore.  but it's all my imagination because of the diabetes and weight loss.  

 

there really are times when I wonder about their sanity and mine.  that's just the tip of the iceberg lately.  getting mad all over again thinking about it and need to chill  er.  um.. make that calm down a bit.

so is it the blood sugar being low or am i really that pissed off?

yes kids its been yet another one of those days.

number of complaints about the music in the past week - 8.   and 5 of those were all on Saturday.

complaints:

1. where's my song?  I asked for it awhile ago.
2. why is the music so boring?  who died?
3. I can't dance to this, what happened to the really great music you were playing last time I was here?
4. why haven't you played any waltzes? (and this guy was really pissed and one of our old school regulars) my wife was already up here asking for some and you haven't played any in over an hour.
5. why is the music always the same shit every Friday and Saturday night at midnight. me and my friends can tell what is gonna get played every time.  and we even memorized the order they're gonna get played... etc. etc. (she went on for awhile)

I've tried to tell them, I've begged and pleaded, but to no avail.  when the people in charge are only taking advice from themselves or from their "Yes men" at the bars who only agree and stroke their egos for free drinks.  then you know things are gonna take a dive.  how long till they realize they have been manipulated?  will it take losing the business and the club closing?  we rely on our employers and management to make sound business decisions so that we can all make a living.  business is down.  customers are leaving in droves for other venues and they think kissing ass is gonna make up for it.  it doesn't.  if there is one thing I have learned over the years about playing music in a club is that you should NEVER EVER focus on one specific genre or group.  you have to play to the general population because your core demographic is the one that makes you the most money.  one or two songs for specific people you can get away with - but only if they are popular enough that they don't chase people out. 

"as long as they aren't leaving"

-----------------------
update
-----------------------

it took me almost 2 weeks to cool down partially from the serious mad-on I had and things haven't improved even one bit.  (I just edited out 3 paragraphs after re-reading them and figured it was one of those times I should scale it back a bit more than usual) 

got some personal issues going on that I wont really get into but trying to compartmentalize your emotions and stow it away for after work is getting difficult.  trying and failing at that.

not that anyone reads this, but when or if they do - give me some thoughts on things?  cause I really need some help here.

i'm thinkin' it's time for another mix...

anger management?

another blue theme?

or just plain showing my ass?


let's find out.

selective perception

they has it.

and they are the ones in charge.

B.O.H.I.C.A.

rants.

venting.

tears.

reflection?

sadness.

loneliness...

what the hell happened? 

STUFF AND MORE

so after 2 years i finally make another mix.

yeah. feeling a lot better and it was a good night.
so i housed it up some.

http://www.house-mixes.com/profile/dj%20j/play/stuff-and-more
and if that doesn't work, try this one:
http://media.house-mixes.com/m/dj j/090d04b8-625f-4f3e-8b2c-6301aae4d8af.mp3

Life, but not as we know it.

didnt take care of myself, and am now a diabetic.

work complications? oh yeah - low blood sugar makes dj cranky and causes "poor attitude with manager and customers" and high blood sugar does weird things to you like make you pass out, have some serious lethargy and puts you in the hospital.
life complications? yeppers - changing diet is gonna suck till i balance out. and with the other changes, well.... i'm gonna stick it out and try to keep in this game.
the weight loss that happened in the last couple months was drastic - 50lbs! but the loss was in a not so good way. crabby, irritable, feeling sick, and generally feeling like i was being beatdown SUCKED!

wearing clothes that i havent been able to wear for almost 6-7 years feels GOOOOD! and if i stay on track i'll be back down to 160-170 before summer.

THIS DIET THING SUCKS! i'm a foodie and a damn good cook who likes to create and experiment with mixing flavor combinations as much as i like mixing music. all the things i like and love to eat that i'm no longer allowed to have, or to only have a micro amount of, are screaming my name and screaming at the empty void that is my stomach and taste buds.
staying hydrated at work is becoming an issue - i drink to much liquids and the bathroom is too far away or i don't drink enough and get dyhydrated and it throws me and my blood sugar off all over again. 4-7 minute tracks are my friends on busy nights.
but with all that i gotta admit i'm feeling a hell of alot better than i was. weight loss is gradual now, sleeping better, less acid reflux, getting some excersize in (my knees are KILLING me from that excersize bike!) and with the diet have cut carbs and sugars down drastically and with a self imposed iron fist. and believe it or not havent had a cigarette in almost a month now with no craving.
but just when i thought i was out of the woods the good Dr. at the V.A. said i have high cholesterol and have to work on that too. poop.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diabetes_mellitus_type_2

had to wiki it. a normal HbA1c is <6 .0="" 15="" bad.="" mine="" thats="" was="">our lifestyle (in the dj world and others) IS a serious contributing factor - lack of sleep, stress, poor diet, and lack of physical activity, and all those super sugared energy drinks we chug down like water really don't help. even alcohol (i know... sacrilege!) contributes.
long hours till wee in the morning and then being too tired to excersize = us.
on the good news side - weight is still dropping and at a controlled weight. eyesight has vastly improved - even had to get prescription changed already for the glasses i need now. still farsighted but the glucose levels are way down and body fluids are getting back to normal.

spread the word far and wide to people in the industry - can't work if you're too sick to spin. GET TESTED!

oh yeah. almost forgot. as far as work goes, things last night went great.  not that "things"  have been all hunky-dory since the last blog post, but i'm gonna call it a new start and a work in progress.