okay so i'm terminally lazy with this.

it's been since march and i've just now thought about updating this even a little.
I can't say there's been much improvement personally.  maybe professionally?  hard to tell sometimes.  i've been turning into a curmudgeon.  that grumpy old guy who thinks his way is the right one.  only problems is my way generally IS the right one.  we can keep making the same mistakes over and over again and the only one who sees that: "hey, guess what we've tried this before and it didn't work then why would it work now?"
this is not sarcasm by the way.  when you work for someone who has never read "if you give a mouse a cookie" and hasn't learned real leadership skills or for that matter real management skills either, then you have a recipe for disaster on many nights.  not the least of which is our employee turnover with floorstaff and the serious morale problems in there.  the sense of family we used to have is a much lamented thing of the past.

and yet we still do this every weekend...

 

as far as the crowds go, we've also had issues over the last few months that just keep getting worse as they are ignored.  catering to one certain group of customers over an other because of the genre they like while still expecting to hold the rest of the customers in the building has been a nightmare.  I have tried to explain it but they've gotten so single minded with their version of what customer service is that i'm having to constantly apologize to customers complaining about the music and why i'm playing such "boring and depressing music no one can dance to".

AND THAT'S FROM THE COUNTRY CUSTOMERS!

still, I haven't had much choice but carry on and suck it up.   they still turn the lights on after 2 and continually pull the rug out from under the customers who are dancing and having a good time.  i'm getting booed on a regular basis for telling them that the party (that we advertise is going to continue til 3) is over even though they're having a good time.   financially the closing early has hurt me - and by extension the other employees - substantially.  about $5,000 a year for the last 2 years for me alone.  leads back to that morale problem again....

morale.  mine is in the toilet personally speaking.  if I get started here on that personal side I might not stop.   having low blood sugar while typing this probably isn't helping a great deal.  I dream of her constantly and it takes serious effort to get her off my mind to function both at "home" and work.   suffice it to say that i'm still a wreck.


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a couple hours later...
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downloading, installing, sync'ing, and otherwise putting this laptop together so I can attempt to be slightly more productive.  spent too much on it but the alternative was spending even more.  still might if this doesn't work out well.

wonder if it read this as I was typing it in and got nervous?

can't think of a good title.

been a bit.  things haven't exactly been going well.  life in shambles, trying to survive a world of worry and stress, loneliness and feeling like everyone is pushing in and demanding, and oh yeah trying to find reasons for existence.

standard work bullshit going on.  being told how to do my job by people who not only don't know how to do mine but frequently prove they don't know how to do theirs either.  years in the business and they still don't know when they're being manipulated by people.

and in spite of all that we still end up with this:

 and this:

the customer's are still driving me nuts, but that's nothing new.  asking me to play something faster and then asking for a tune that's 30 beats a min slower?  yeah.  and even worse is the resurgence of that idiocy known as line dancing.  the bad old days of Club Dance on TNN are returning.

therapy.  an ongoing process of trying to find what I can do to survive and "heal".   i know she means well but sometimes i want to shove her positive-ness in her face with a hefty dose of reality.  hard to place that much faith in its effectiveness when i'm this cynical but i have to give it a chance.  the alternative is not exactly something i should dwell on.

and then there's that woman i still love.  yes, in spite of everything that has happened i DO still love her.  i don't understand her, i am hurt, confused, feel betrayed, and want to scream and rage at her...  and still feel the same way about her.   sound like an obsessed stalker?  maybe.  not really caring.  every minute near her and knowing i can't have her is agony, being away from her is worse.

my son's are somehow dealing with this better than i am and i loathe that she has shown them that this whole thing is okay somehow.  this is not how it's supposed to be.  i fear that later in life they will repeat this.

and yet another ass kicker:  double hernia repair at the end of the month.  yeah, its gonna suck.  V.A. doesn't do laproscopic surgery for them and surgeon doesn't do mesh repair unless its last resort.  so better repair but longer heal time. 

vunderbar.